What Window Vista really Means
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Big Jokes (7)
Elephant jokes
What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant?
An animal that tells you everything that it remembers!
What is a baby elephant after he is five weeks old?
Six weeks old!
What did the elephant say when the man grabbed him by the tail?
This is the end of me!
Policeman: "One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle."
Zoo Keeper: "Nonsense, none of my elephants knows how to ride a bicycle!"
Why do the elephants have short tails?
Because they can't remember long stories!
How to you keep an elephant in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
"Dad, Mum is fighting with an enormous elephant in the garden!"
"Don't worry dear, I'm sure the elephant can look after itself!"
My elephants got no trunk?
How does it smell?
Terrible!
What do elephants sing at christmas?
Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants...
Who do elephants get their christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus!
How do you hire an elephant?
Stand it on four bricks!
What is the easy way to get a wild elephant?
Get a tame one and annoy it!
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
Here come the elephants!
Why is an elephant braver than a hen?
Because the elephant isn't chicken!
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Raining elephants!
How are elephants and hippopotanuses alike?
Neither can play basketball!
How do you stop an angry elephant from charging?
Take away it's credit cards!
What did the baby elephant get when the daddy elephant sneezed?
Out of the way!
How do you raise a baby elephant?
With a fork lift truck!
What's the best way to see a charging herd of elephants?
On television!
Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle?
Because of all the cheetahs!
What do you call a elephant that never washes?
A smellyphant!
Teacher: "Where would you find an elephant?"
Pupil:"You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose!"
What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear?
Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Teacher:"To which family does the elephant belong?"
Pupil:"I don't know, nobody I know owns one!"
How do you spell elephant?
E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t"That's not how the dictionary spells it"
"You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it!"
Teacher: "Name six wild animals"
Pupil:"Four elephants and two lions!"
What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
Annette!
Bill: "My homework is really difficult tonight, I've to write an essay on an elephant."?
Bert: "Well, for a start your going to need a big ladder.."
Why do elephants do well in school?
Because they have a lot of grey matter!
What to you get if you cross a parrot with an elephant?
An animal that tells you everything that it remembers!
What is a baby elephant after he is five weeks old?
Six weeks old!
What did the elephant say when the man grabbed him by the tail?
This is the end of me!
Policeman: "One of your elephants has been seen chasing a man on a bicycle."
Zoo Keeper: "Nonsense, none of my elephants knows how to ride a bicycle!"
Why do the elephants have short tails?
Because they can't remember long stories!
How to you keep an elephant in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
"Dad, Mum is fighting with an enormous elephant in the garden!"
"Don't worry dear, I'm sure the elephant can look after itself!"
My elephants got no trunk?
How does it smell?
Terrible!
What do elephants sing at christmas?
Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants...
Who do elephants get their christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus!
How do you hire an elephant?
Stand it on four bricks!
What is the easy way to get a wild elephant?
Get a tame one and annoy it!
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
Here come the elephants!
Why is an elephant braver than a hen?
Because the elephant isn't chicken!
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Raining elephants!
How are elephants and hippopotanuses alike?
Neither can play basketball!
How do you stop an angry elephant from charging?
Take away it's credit cards!
What did the baby elephant get when the daddy elephant sneezed?
Out of the way!
How do you raise a baby elephant?
With a fork lift truck!
What's the best way to see a charging herd of elephants?
On television!
Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle?
Because of all the cheetahs!
What do you call a elephant that never washes?
A smellyphant!
Teacher: "Where would you find an elephant?"
Pupil:"You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose!"
What do you call an elephant with a carrot in each ear?
Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Teacher:"To which family does the elephant belong?"
Pupil:"I don't know, nobody I know owns one!"
How do you spell elephant?
E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t"That's not how the dictionary spells it"
"You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it!"
Teacher: "Name six wild animals"
Pupil:"Four elephants and two lions!"
What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
Annette!
Bill: "My homework is really difficult tonight, I've to write an essay on an elephant."?
Bert: "Well, for a start your going to need a big ladder.."
Why do elephants do well in school?
Because they have a lot of grey matter!
Big Jokes (6)
Elephant jokes
What's the difference between an injured elephant and bad weather?
One roars with pain and the other pours with rain!
What's the difference between an elephant and a post box?
I don't know!Well I'm not asking you to post my letters!
What's the difference between an elephant and a bad pupil?
One rarely bites and the other barely writes!
How to you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse?
Try picking them up!
What's the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant!
What's the difference between an elephant and a banana?
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant?
What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?About 3,000 miles!
What's the difference between an elephant and a gooseberry?
A gooseberry is green!
Have you heard about the elephant that went on a crash diet?
He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire engines!
Why do elephants eat raw food?
Because they don't know how to cook!
Why did the elephant eat the candle?
For light refreshment!
How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert?
You get very lumpy ice cream!
What kind of elephants live in Antartica?
Cold ones!
How do you fit five elephants into a car?
Two in the front, two in the back and the other in the glove compartment!
How does an elephant get out of a small car?
The same way that he got in!
Why do elephants have trunks?
Because they would look silly carrying suitcases!
What's the difference between an injured elephant and bad weather?
One roars with pain and the other pours with rain!
What's the difference between an elephant and a post box?
I don't know!Well I'm not asking you to post my letters!
What's the difference between an elephant and a bad pupil?
One rarely bites and the other barely writes!
How to you tell the difference between an elephant and a mouse?
Try picking them up!
What's the difference between an elephant and a piece of paper?
You can't make a paper aeroplane out of an elephant!
What's the difference between an elephant and a banana?
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant?
What's the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant?About 3,000 miles!
What's the difference between an elephant and a gooseberry?
A gooseberry is green!
Have you heard about the elephant that went on a crash diet?
He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire engines!
Why do elephants eat raw food?
Because they don't know how to cook!
Why did the elephant eat the candle?
For light refreshment!
How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert?
You get very lumpy ice cream!
What kind of elephants live in Antartica?
Cold ones!
How do you fit five elephants into a car?
Two in the front, two in the back and the other in the glove compartment!
How does an elephant get out of a small car?
The same way that he got in!
Why do elephants have trunks?
Because they would look silly carrying suitcases!
Big Jokes (5)
Elephant Related
What grey, has a wand, huge wings and gives money to elephants?
The tusk fairy!
What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet?
An elephant with spare parts!
What's grey but turns red?
An embarrassed elephant!
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderelephant!
When should you feed milk to a baby elephant?
When it's a baby elephant!
How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
When your nose touches the ceiling!
What do you call an elephant that flies?
A jumbo jet!
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the cherry tree!
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!
What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?
One is a weak one and the other one week!
What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep?
Trunkquilizers!
Why are elephants grey?
So you can tell them from flamingos!
Elephant Keeper: "My Elephant isn't well, do you know a good animal doctor?" Zoo Keeper: "No, all the doctors I know are people!"
Why do elephants scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where they itch!
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!
Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!
How do you know that peanuts are fattening?
Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
What grey, has a wand, huge wings and gives money to elephants?
The tusk fairy!
What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet?
An elephant with spare parts!
What's grey but turns red?
An embarrassed elephant!
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderelephant!
When should you feed milk to a baby elephant?
When it's a baby elephant!
How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
When your nose touches the ceiling!
What do you call an elephant that flies?
A jumbo jet!
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the cherry tree!
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!
What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?
One is a weak one and the other one week!
What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep?
Trunkquilizers!
Why are elephants grey?
So you can tell them from flamingos!
Elephant Keeper: "My Elephant isn't well, do you know a good animal doctor?" Zoo Keeper: "No, all the doctors I know are people!"
Why do elephants scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where they itch!
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!
Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!
How do you know that peanuts are fattening?
Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
Birds Related
Crow
Q: What is a crowbar?
A: A place where crows go to get a drink!
Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?
A: If they lived near the bay, they'd be baygels.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken.
Q. What goes peck, peck, peck, and boom?
A. A chicken in a mine field.
Q: Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
A: To a mewseum.
Q: What do you call the loser in a hissing, scratching cat fight?
A: Claude.
Q: What do cats like to eat on a hot day?
A: Mice cream.
Q: What do you call it when a cat bites?
A: Catnip!
Q: What is a crowbar?
A: A place where crows go to get a drink!
Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?
A: If they lived near the bay, they'd be baygels.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken.
Q. What goes peck, peck, peck, and boom?
A. A chicken in a mine field.
Q: Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
A: To a mewseum.
Q: What do you call the loser in a hissing, scratching cat fight?
A: Claude.
Q: What do cats like to eat on a hot day?
A: Mice cream.
Q: What do you call it when a cat bites?
A: Catnip!
Big Jokes (4)
He is a very smart dog
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
"That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."
The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
He is a very smart dog
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"
"Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"
"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."
"What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"
"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"
You could feed them a lot faster
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
"That's the most amazing thing I've seen," I said. "That dog really seemed to enjoy the film."
The man turned to me and said, "Yeah, it is. He hated the book."
He is a very smart dog
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?"
"Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"
"Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..."
"What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?"
"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"
You could feed them a lot faster
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"
Big Jokes (3)
The amazing flying dog
Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.
After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.
Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."
The other moron replies, "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this paragliding either."
A cat's dictionary
The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. "I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V."He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.
The lion's team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick.
He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six.
Unfortunately, they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 - 0.
Late in the first half the lion's team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point.
The lion's team led at halftime 7 - 6. In the locker room, the lion gave a peptalk.
"Look you guys. We can win this game. We've got the lead and they only have one real threat. We've got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he's a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino."
The second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino's team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It looked like he was home free. Suddenly at the twenty yard line, he dropped over dead. There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him.
The lion went over to see what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede.
"Did you do this?" he asked the centipede.
"Yeah, I did." the centipede replied.
The lion retorted, "Where were you during the first half?"
"I was putting on my shoes."
Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.
After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.
Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."
The other moron replies, "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this paragliding either."
A cat's dictionary
The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. "I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V."He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.
The lion's team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick.
He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six.
Unfortunately, they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 - 0.
Late in the first half the lion's team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point.
The lion's team led at halftime 7 - 6. In the locker room, the lion gave a peptalk.
"Look you guys. We can win this game. We've got the lead and they only have one real threat. We've got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he's a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino."
The second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino's team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It looked like he was home free. Suddenly at the twenty yard line, he dropped over dead. There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him.
The lion went over to see what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede.
"Did you do this?" he asked the centipede.
"Yeah, I did." the centipede replied.
The lion retorted, "Where were you during the first half?"
"I was putting on my shoes."
Big Jokes (2)
The preacher buys a parrot
A preacher is buying a parrot."
Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher."
Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him."
Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.
The cat's chalkboard assignments
A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock. Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber.
She concluded he wasn't coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.
He knocked on the door; the lady's parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said,
"Who is it?"
He replied, "It's the plumber."
He thought it was the lady who'd said, "Who is it?" and waited for her to come and let him in. When this didn't happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it?"
He said, "It's the plumber!"
He waited, and again the lady didn't come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it?"
He said, "It's the plumber!!!!!!!!
"Again he waited; again she didn't come; again he knocked; again the parrot said, "Who is it?"; "Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!" he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.
The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway, "A dead body!" she exclaimed, "Who is it?!
"The parrot said, "It's the plumber."
A preacher is buying a parrot."
Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher."
Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him."
Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.
The cat's chalkboard assignments
A lady was expecting the plumber; he was supposed to come at ten o'clock. Ten o'clock came and went; no plumber; eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, one o'clock; no plumber.
She concluded he wasn't coming, and went out to do some errands. While she was out, the plumber arrived.
He knocked on the door; the lady's parrot, who was at home in a cage by the door, said,
"Who is it?"
He replied, "It's the plumber."
He thought it was the lady who'd said, "Who is it?" and waited for her to come and let him in. When this didn't happen he knocked again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it?"
He said, "It's the plumber!"
He waited, and again the lady didn't come to let him in. He knocked again, and again the parrot said, "Who is it?"
He said, "It's the plumber!!!!!!!!
"Again he waited; again she didn't come; again he knocked; again the parrot said, "Who is it?"; "Aarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!" he said, flying into a rage; he pushed the door in and ripped it off its hinges. He suffered a heart attack and he fell dead in the doorway.
The lady came home from her errands, only to see the door ripped off its hinges and a corpse lying in the doorway, "A dead body!" she exclaimed, "Who is it?!
"The parrot said, "It's the plumber."
Big Jokes (1)
Elephant Related
What' s big and grey with horns?
An elephant marching band!
What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside?
An elephant disguised as a banana!
What's big, grey and flies straight up?
An elecopter!
What's grey, carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill?
A get wellephant!
What's grey and never needs ironing?
A drip dry elephant!
What's big and grey and red?
A sunburnt elephant!
What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill?
"Pack your trunk and clear out!"
How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
Take all the matches out first!
What weighs 4 tons and is bright red?
An elephant holding its breath!
What' s grey, has four legs and jumps up and down?
An elephant on a trampoline!
What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds?
An elephant with hiccups!
What's grey and goes round and round?
An elephant in a washing machine!
What's grey and highly dangerous?
An elephant with a machine gun!
What's big and grey and lives in a lake in Scotland?
The Loch Ness Elephant!
What's big and grey and has 16 wheels?
An elephant on roller skates!
What goes up slowly and comes down quickly?
An elephant in a lift!
What's as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
An elephant's shadow!
What grey, has a wand, huge wings and gives money to elephants?
The tusk fairy!
What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet?
An elephant with spare parts!
What's grey but turns red?
An embarrassed elephant!
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderelephant!
When should you feed milk to a baby elephant?
When it's a baby elephant!
How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
When your nose touches the ceiling!
What do you call an elephant that flies?
A jumbo jet!
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the cherry tree!
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!
What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?
One is a weak one and the other one week!
What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep?
Trunkquilizers!
Why are elephants grey?
So you can tell them from flamingos!
Elephant Keeper: "My Elephant isn't well, do you know a good animal doctor?" Zoo Keeper: "No, all the doctors I know are people!"
Why do elephants scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where they itch!
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!
Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!
How do you know that peanuts are fattening?
Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
What' s big and grey with horns?
An elephant marching band!
What's yellow on the outside and grey on the inside?
An elephant disguised as a banana!
What's big, grey and flies straight up?
An elecopter!
What's grey, carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when your ill?
A get wellephant!
What's grey and never needs ironing?
A drip dry elephant!
What's big and grey and red?
A sunburnt elephant!
What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill?
"Pack your trunk and clear out!"
How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
Take all the matches out first!
What weighs 4 tons and is bright red?
An elephant holding its breath!
What' s grey, has four legs and jumps up and down?
An elephant on a trampoline!
What's grey and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds?
An elephant with hiccups!
What's grey and goes round and round?
An elephant in a washing machine!
What's grey and highly dangerous?
An elephant with a machine gun!
What's big and grey and lives in a lake in Scotland?
The Loch Ness Elephant!
What's big and grey and has 16 wheels?
An elephant on roller skates!
What goes up slowly and comes down quickly?
An elephant in a lift!
What's as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
An elephant's shadow!
What grey, has a wand, huge wings and gives money to elephants?
The tusk fairy!
What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet?
An elephant with spare parts!
What's grey but turns red?
An embarrassed elephant!
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderelephant!
When should you feed milk to a baby elephant?
When it's a baby elephant!
How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
When your nose touches the ceiling!
What do you call an elephant that flies?
A jumbo jet!
What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
So he could hide in the cherry tree!
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!
What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?
One is a weak one and the other one week!
What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep?
Trunkquilizers!
Why are elephants grey?
So you can tell them from flamingos!
Elephant Keeper: "My Elephant isn't well, do you know a good animal doctor?" Zoo Keeper: "No, all the doctors I know are people!"
Why do elephants scratch themselves?
Because they're the only ones who know where they itch!
How does an elephant get down from a tree?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!
Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!
How do you know that peanuts are fattening?
Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
Friday, March 23, 2007
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Dogs Related
(1) Q: How did bulldogs get such flat noses?
A: From chasing cars.
(2) Q: What has got four legs and an arm?
A: A Rottweiler in a playground.
(3) Q: How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat of a car?
A: Put him in the front seat.
(4) Q: What do you say to a dog before he eats?
A: Bone appetite!
(5) Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: Because it was the chicken’s day off.
(6) Q: Why is a dog's nose in the middle of its face?
A: Because it's the scenter.
(7) Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A: It stole the show!
(8) Q: When is a strange dog most likely to go into your house?
A: When the door is open.
(9) Q: What kind of dog does a Dracula like?
A: A Bloodhound.
(10) Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog?
A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.
(11) Q: Why is a dog longer in the morning than in the evening?
A: Because it is let out in the morning and taken in at night.
(12) Q: What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper?
A: RUFF!
(13) Q: What goes "krab, krab, krab"?
A: A dog barking in a mirror
(14) Q: What side of the dog has the most fur?
A: The Outside.
(15) Q: Why does a dog wag its tail?
A: No one else will do it for them.
(16) Q: Why don't dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet.
A: From chasing cars.
(2) Q: What has got four legs and an arm?
A: A Rottweiler in a playground.
(3) Q: How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat of a car?
A: Put him in the front seat.
(4) Q: What do you say to a dog before he eats?
A: Bone appetite!
(5) Q: Why did the dog cross the road?
A: Because it was the chicken’s day off.
(6) Q: Why is a dog's nose in the middle of its face?
A: Because it's the scenter.
(7) Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A: It stole the show!
(8) Q: When is a strange dog most likely to go into your house?
A: When the door is open.
(9) Q: What kind of dog does a Dracula like?
A: A Bloodhound.
(10) Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog?
A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.
(11) Q: Why is a dog longer in the morning than in the evening?
A: Because it is let out in the morning and taken in at night.
(12) Q: What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper?
A: RUFF!
(13) Q: What goes "krab, krab, krab"?
A: A dog barking in a mirror
(14) Q: What side of the dog has the most fur?
A: The Outside.
(15) Q: Why does a dog wag its tail?
A: No one else will do it for them.
(16) Q: Why don't dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet.
Monkey Related
(1) Q: How do you fix a broken chimp?
A: With a monkey wrench!
(2) Q: Why are monkeys so noisy?
A: They were raised in a zoo!
(3) Q: What’s black and dangerous and lives in a tree?
A: A monkey with a machine gun.
(4) Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
A: With a monkey wrench!
(2) Q: Why are monkeys so noisy?
A: They were raised in a zoo!
(3) Q: What’s black and dangerous and lives in a tree?
A: A monkey with a machine gun.
(4) Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
Cat Related
(1) Q: What's a cat's favorite food?
A: Petatoes!
(2) Q: What kind of work does a weak cat do?
A: Light mouse work.
(3) Q: What kind of cats lay around the house?
A: Car-pets!
(4) Q: What's a cat's second favorite food?
A: Spa-catti!
(5) Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
A: Because you can't bury them in the sky!
(6) Q: How do cats buy things?
A: From a cat-alogue!
A: Petatoes!
(2) Q: What kind of work does a weak cat do?
A: Light mouse work.
(3) Q: What kind of cats lay around the house?
A: Car-pets!
(4) Q: What's a cat's second favorite food?
A: Spa-catti!
(5) Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
A: Because you can't bury them in the sky!
(6) Q: How do cats buy things?
A: From a cat-alogue!
Elepahant-Jokes
(1) Why does an elephant take a shower?
Because he can't fit in the bathtub!
(2) How do you stop an elephant from charging?
By removing his batteries!
(3) How do you tell if you have passed an elephant?
He didn't flush.
(4) Why do elephants wear pink tennis shoes?
Because white ones get dirty too fast.
(5) Why do elephants have wrinkled knees?
From playing marbles.
(6) Why elephants are colored grey?
So you can tell them from canaries.
(7) Why don't more elephants go to college?
Not too many elephants finish high school.
(8) Why do elephants live in the jungle?
Because it's out of the high rent district.
(9) How do you put six elephants in a Volkswagen?
Three in front and three in back.
(10) How do you put six elephants in a Volkswagen?
Three in front and three in back.
(11) What did the banana say to the elephant?
Nothing, bananas can't talk.
(12) Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
(13) Why do elephants jump across rivers?
So they won't step on the fish.
Because he can't fit in the bathtub!
(2) How do you stop an elephant from charging?
By removing his batteries!
(3) How do you tell if you have passed an elephant?
He didn't flush.
(4) Why do elephants wear pink tennis shoes?
Because white ones get dirty too fast.
(5) Why do elephants have wrinkled knees?
From playing marbles.
(6) Why elephants are colored grey?
So you can tell them from canaries.
(7) Why don't more elephants go to college?
Not too many elephants finish high school.
(8) Why do elephants live in the jungle?
Because it's out of the high rent district.
(9) How do you put six elephants in a Volkswagen?
Three in front and three in back.
(10) How do you put six elephants in a Volkswagen?
Three in front and three in back.
(11) What did the banana say to the elephant?
Nothing, bananas can't talk.
(12) Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.
(13) Why do elephants jump across rivers?
So they won't step on the fish.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
